Within His Law, Part One

Hey Spankophiles!

Michelle here, laid up with an icepack on my knee. Yesterday, in preparation for playing the role of Calamity Jane, I decided to do a faceplant into the cement in one of the busiest intersections in my fair town. Six lanes of traffic watched me pile it, even before I reached the crosswalk. Right on the freakin’ corner in full view of EVERYONE. Humiliating and painful. Christ. So I sit there, in agony, then finally get up and limp off to a shaded corner. Then I continued on my way to the grocery store. I’m limping across the road and touch my nose and see blood on my fingers. No way! Not my face! I go into Safeway and into the bathroom immediately and am shocked to see that my nose is totally scraped up. And I have to be on stage on Saturday! And I was six blocks from home. I get my stupid half and half and then trudge on home to tend to my wounds and ice my knee. I look even worse today. Cripes!

Oh, well, the show must go on. That dance finale is going to be a blast with my knee the size of a softball.

I can’t wait for this stupid reunion show to be over. It’ll be nice to perform with my old buddies, but…I hope we don’t suck. No. Wait. I hope I don’t suck. Forget everyone else. If they suck, I’ll look better. Hey, a glimmer of hope on my horizon…

Anyway, here’s another story featuring the rock star Zane and his crazy wife Lila.

Big hugs to you all and see you next week!

Michelle


Lila sat looking at the most beautiful view in the world: the Golden Gate Bridge and the fog rolling into the Bay from her luxurious apartment. She was married to a rock star. And she was depressed and bored out of her skull.

It had been a month since Zane grounded her for lying to him and she was losing her mind. He was off on tour, she was stuck at home with no excitement, no sex, no company, only a TV set and a home gym. She should have gone on tour with him. She had a bunch of jobs—which was why she didn’t go—but now she was regretting her decision.

She’d just talked to him, Zane wasn’t performing that night, he’d be in Boston the next two nights. They had phone sex and then he went out for dinner.

She had a sudden idea. Why not join him? It would be great to surprise him. They both missed each other so much. Her mood perked up.

Within an hour, she had a morning flight to Boston, and was packed. She was so excited.

All the way to the airport, she giggled with anticipation. She’d surprise him, be naked in bed, waiting for him in his hotel room. He’d be so excited to see her! So cool!

She boarded the plane and that’s when the troubles began. Something was wrong with the heating system. They fixed that problem and another one arose with the hydraulics. Four bloody hours later, they finally took off. Lila was not in the best of moods. Maybe this whole idea would be a bad one.

Finally, at seven that evening, they landed in Boston. Lila took a cab to the hotel. She told the desk clerk who she was and the woman didn’t believe her. Apparently, they’d had ten other Lila Blacks try to get into Zane’s room that day alone. Lila showed them her ID, but they still didn’t believe her. Botheration! Finally, she was so tired and bummed, she decided to skip the surprise and just tell Zane she was there. She called him on his cell, no answer.

Now fully irritated, she decided to wait for him in the lobby. But the security guards wouldn’t let her. They escorted her to the door. Furious and screaming, she told them who she was and they threatened her with the police. She demanded to be allowed to check in, but since she’d caused so much trouble, the hotel staff refused.

Steaming, she stalked out of the hotel with her luggage in tow. She went across the street to another hotel and checked in. She tried to call Zane again. No answer.

Frustrated, she decided to go down to the concert and see him backstage. The taxi could only get her within six blocks of the place. So she got out and walked. Boston was cold this night; she was halfway frozen by the time she got there. She finally found the backstage entrance and told the guards who she was. They didn’t believe her. No one in the crowd believed her. All the girls said they were Zane Black’s wives, too. Lila lost her mind and screamed at the idiots until the guards threatened to call the police.

Out of her mind with fury, Lila stormed off. She went back to her hotel room, broke down and cried.

After sobbing for a while, she finally came to her senses. What was wrong with her? Why was she ruining her trip to Boston? She cleaned herself up, went down to the lobby and hit the bar.

Four beers and two tequila shots later, Lila had made friends with everyone at the bar. She told her story, but no one believed her. Which at this point, didn’t matter.

Now three sheets to the wind, Lila got another idea. A really dumb one. If she couldn’t get into Zane’s room through the front door, maybe she could get in through his balcony. She was an expert climber. Climbing the building would be a piece of cake. Nothing was going to stand in the way of seeing her husband. Goddamn it. Before she attempted her stupid feat, she tried his cell phone once more. Still no answer.

She made her way across the street and up to a crowd of girls hanging out in front of the hotel. Most carried signs that proclaimed their love for her husband. One girl had his name written on her forehead.

She stood and stared up at the building. It actually didn’t look that hard. The building’s architecture used enough ornate brickwork that there were plenty of handholds and footholds. Once you got past a certain level, there were balconies, too. Shouldn’t be too hard. Except for the freezing temps. It had to be below thirty.

But Lila didn’t care, she was hammered. “So what floor is the band on, does anyone know?”

“Seventeenth floor, Suite 1756,” a girl standing next to her reported. She had an accent. She sounded Southern. “Well, that’s Zane’s room. He’s the only one I care about.”

“Me, too,” Lila said. She turned to the girl. “If you hold my coat, I’ll get you a personal autograph.”

The girl was a cute twenty-something with long blonde hair and a turned up nose. She laughed. “How about a personal introduction?”

“Done.”

The girl laughed. “Girl, you are high.”

“I will be shortly,” Lila said. “Okay, so after I get up there, I’ll send a guy down to get this and I’ll have him bring you up.”

“Okay,” the girl said, joking. “I’ll wait right here.”

Lila asked, “What’s your name? Not that I’ll remember it. But you’ll have my jacket, it will be your ticket.”

The girl began staring at her. “You know, it’s funny, you do kinda look like his new wife.”

“That is funny. What’s your name?”

“Bonnie. Bonnie Richards,” the girl said.

Lila held out her hand, the girl took it. “Pleased to meet you, Bonnie, I’m Lila Black.”

Bonnie giggled. “Aren’t we all?”

“Seriously. I came to surprise my husband and no one believes that I’m Lila Black.”

The girl eyed her suspiciously. “If you really are Lila Black, why don’t you call him on his cell?”

“He won’t answer.”

“Why don’t you call one of the other band members?”

“I don’t have their numbers with me.”

The girl blinked.

Lila had no idea why she was trying. “I know. I’m screwed. I didn’t even consider that I couldn’t get in. I got up real early and flew all the way out here and I got turned away here at the hotel, at the concert, he won’t answer his cell, I had to check in across the street. It so sucks. I can’t get into see my freakin’ husband because he’s too freakin’ famous.”

The girl’s expression turned more compassionate. “You know, you seem like a nice woman, but honey, that story is really lame.”

“I know. So I’m gonna climb this building.” She took off her black leather jacket, the biting cold assaulted her. But she was so drunk, she just didn’t care. She handed it to Bonnie. “I’ll send someone down to get you and bring you up. But this will probably take me some time. Freakin’ he had to be on the seventeenth floor.”

“You’re gonna climb the building?” Bonne asked as if she hadn’t heard her right.

“Uh, yep.”

“Okay,” Bonnie said, clearly not believing her.

Lila moved through the mass of girls and up to the building. She stretched, inspected the climb and got a good route in her head. With one last stretch, she leapt up and climbed. It was totally easy. All except for the cold. That was horrible. Luckily, she was drunk and didn’t feel it much. But climbing while plastered wasn’t very easy either.

When she was only about ten feet up, she heard someone shout below her. “Hey you, get down from there!”

Lila looked down. It was a tall Asian security guy.

“Tell my husband I’m coming up to see him. Zane Black.”

“He is not your husband! Get down from there, you might hurt yourself!” the guard shouted.

Lila kept climbing. “You’re probably right.”

“You go girl,” she heard Bonnie shout.

Soon, everyone was cheering her on. It actually helped. Lila had never been this cold in her life. Luckily, it was sobering her up some. And thankfully, it was a relatively easy climb. Tons of handholds and footholds. And in about a hundred feet, she’d start hitting the balconies and could take a rest. Maybe even break into the hotel and go up the stairs.

She was about forty feet up when she nearly blinded by a spotlight from below.

“You, on the building! This is the police. Climb to the nearest balcony and wait. You are violating the law!” came a voice over a loudspeaker.

Goddamn it. This had never happened before. What a pain in the ass. Oh, well, it was too late now. She kept climbing.

©2007, Michelle Carlyle